Teens and Divorce

Divorce can be challenging for the entire family, particularly for kids and teens who must adjust to the disruption in their lives and adapt to new routines. Since teens are often more capable, parents might rely on them to assist with younger siblings, take on additional chores, or act as intermediaries between them and their co-parent. Sometimes, parents may inappropriately vent to or confide in their teenage children because they are more emotionally aware. Although teens are more mature than their younger siblings, they still require parental support while navigating the divorce.

The Impact of Divorce on Teenagers

Divorce is prevalent in the United States, with only 60% of U.S. children living with their married, biological parents, and it can adversely affect children and teenagers. Divorce raises the likelihood of both long-term and short-term mental health issues in adolescents. Although most children and teenagers manage to navigate through a divorce without enduring long-term psychological problems, it is crucial to identify the common signs that a child or teen is having difficulty adjusting to the changes in their life. Some of the typical behaviors observed in teens following their parents' divorce include:

• Academic difficulties

• Behavioral challenges

• Depression

• Challenges in forming close relationships

• Increased stress levels

• Non-compliance

• Feelings of sadness or anger towards parents

• Sleep disturbances

Teens with divorced parents may also engage in risky behaviors as a way to cope with their challenging emotions. Depression can be severe and may lead to suicidal thoughts or attempts. Substance abuse and early sexual activity are also risky behaviors that teens might use to numb painful emotions.

How Might Your Teen Respond to Divorce?

The primary factor influencing a teenager's response to their parents' divorce is how well the parents manage their relationship throughout the process. Teens whose parents experience significant conflict may face a higher risk of mental health issues, such as a fear of abandonment, which can lead to future mental health challenges. Fortunately, parents can opt for more constructive approaches, like Collaborative Divorce, which minimize conflict and enable a focus on creating a healthy future for the entire family.

Even in relatively amicable divorces, teens will naturally mourn the loss of their family structure and experience a variety of emotions. It's important for parents to help their teenagers understand that these feelings are normal and encourage them to express them in a healthy manner. Collaborative Divorce involves mental health professionals alongside lawyers, acknowledging the importance of addressing emotional issues in addition to financial and legal matters. Parents should ensure their divorce lawyer avoids unnecessary conflict that could negatively affect their teenage children.

Regardless of the situation, there will likely be an increase in emotional and behavioral issues, making it crucial to establish firm boundaries and enforce consequences when necessary. Clearly communicating to teenagers that they will still be held accountable for their actions can guide them in making better decisions.

Ways to Support Your Teen

Divorce affects everyone in the family, and even though you may be experiencing your own emotional struggles, it's crucial to engage with your teen and show genuine interest in their life, activities, and well-being. Finding ways to stay connected with your teen during these family changes is key, as it allows you to converse with them and encourage them to express their feelings. Recognize their emotions and be honest when things are uncertain. Acknowledging the complex emotions that arise from divorce is essential. Open communication is critical.

Do’s for Supporting Your Teen’s Adjustment

• Give them a chance to be involved in major decisions

• Attend their extracurricular activities to show support

• Be consistent with expectations, rules, and discipline

• Encourage a relationship with their other parent

• Maintain a stable routine

• Make them feel comfortable asking questions

• Exhibit good behavior and effective problem-solving

• Engage in open and honest communication with them

• Be consistently supportive and affectionate

• Provide them with a safe space for their emotions

Don’ts of Supporting Your Teen’s Adjustment

• Arguing in front of your teen

• Putting them in the middle of parental disputes

• Speaking negatively about your co-parent in their presence

• Using the teen as a go-between for the two households

Regardless of the situation, there may be an increase in emotional and behavioral issues, so it's important to set firm boundaries and enforce consequences when necessary. Clearly communicating to teenagers that they will still be held accountable for their actions can guide them in making better choices.

What to Watch For

Monitor your teenager to identify any behavioral issues or mood changes. In certain situations, seeking professional assistance can be advantageous. During a Collaborative Divorce, a Child/Teen Specialist is often involved to educate your teen about divorce and give them a voice in the process. Consulting a mental health professional can be crucial in helping teens process their feelings about the divorce. Be aware of typical reactions to upheaval, such as depression or substance abuse.

Indicators of Depression

• Decline in academic performance

• Anger, aggression, sadness, and mood swings

• Loss of appetite

• Sleeping excessively

• Increased isolation

• Expressions of hopelessness

• Lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities

• Low self-esteem

Indicators of Substance Abuse

• Lack of interest

• Red eyes

• Behavioral and mannerism changes

• Extreme tiredness

• Wearing long sleeves

• Ignoring personal hygiene

• Possession of items like baggies, lighters, pipes, scales, tinfoil, etc.

• Breaking curfew

• Withdrawing from family activities

Their parents' divorce might make teens feel as though everything is out of control, resulting in feelings of hopelessness and being overwhelmed. However, most teenagers navigate the divorce experience relatively unscathed, especially when parents actively reduce conflict and focus on a child-centered divorce. Keep communication open, utilize available professional resources when necessary, and with your support, your teenager will navigate this challenging period.

More Resources

• The Impacts of Divorce on Teenagers

• The Pain of Divorce

• Helping Preteens and Adolescents Adjust to Divorce

• The Rights of Teenagers During the Divorce Process

• Divorce’s Impact on Teenagers

• Dealing with Divorce

• Parenting After Separation or Divorce: Helping Teens Adjust

• Teenagers and Divorce

• Divorce is Tough but it can be Tougher on Teens

• Children and Divorce

• Separation and Divorce: Helping Teens Adjust Positively

• When Your Teen Sides with the Other Parent After Divorce

• Damage Control for Teens of Divorce

• Divorce Through the Eyes of Adolescents (PDF)

• Children and Divorce

• Divorce Attorneys

• Tips for Divorcing Parents

• How Divorce Can Affect Teen Stress

• Teen Grief and Loss – Getting Over Separation and Divorce

• Helping Parents and Teens Adjust to Divorce

• How Divorce Affects Teenagers

• Prioritizing Your Teens Needs During a Divorce

• Helping Your Teen Adjust to Divorce

• Supporting Kids During a Divorce

• Child Custody and Support

• Help Your Child Through a Breakup or Divorce

• Five Tips to Help Tell Your Teens You’re Getting Divorced

• Talking to Teens About Divorce